my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
