I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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