So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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