I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
