My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
