a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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