My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
