I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How external is "for external use only"?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
