Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
