yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
