Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
