I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
