Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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