TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
