I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
