there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
