The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
