I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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