Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
