Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
