I'm lost and stupid without you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
