Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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