Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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