i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
