thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
