what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize