I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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