Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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