i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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