alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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