i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize