i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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