why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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