his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
