Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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