i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
