So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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