She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I met the friendliest cop last night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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