mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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