Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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