we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
