i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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