ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
