All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
