Well apparently he's into motor boating.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
