if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
worst night to have a conscience
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
