Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
