she woke up with a sticky ear
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Randomize
