How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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