i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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