I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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