I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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