An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
