look no pants
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
