yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
