Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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