Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
