as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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