dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What a dumb baby whore.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
