Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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