giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
