Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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