Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
