I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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