..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
