pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Randomize
