dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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