dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
