I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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