1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
