I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
