I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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