Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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