Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
