Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
