Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
