My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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